But then I took classes. There was a guy who also had failed and I remember him asking our teacher what did he do wrong. He had failed by very few marks. The teacher said “I agree you worked hard according to you, but this time you probably didn’t deserve to pass”. Harsh? Yes.
Passed CA IPCC first group
But those who have taken attempts will understand that this does hold true most of the time. Anyway, we worked hard and we cleared our exams with a VERY GOOD score.
I did not start my Articleship right away ‘cause I wanted to clear the second group first. So I wrote that exam, and before the results came, I joined the office, which by the way was a small firm in Kanpur, my hometown.
I failed – but Audit and ITSM – it seemed fair. I mean almost everybody fails right? And I reappeared in the exam again failed. My aggregate declined.
I was still okay but didn’t understand the mistakes I was making.
Again I was preparing but I was not realising what it takes to clear these exams.
I wrote the exam for the third time, and I failed – AGAIN.
This time I had hit rock bottom. It was the worst exam ever with the worst result ever.
Scored a 71 when we need 150 to clear.
Even worst was that in my mind I thought I prepared well. I “thought” I gave my best.
All of this led to me moving into a very depressed state of mind. I couldn’t work at the office. Was not able to talk to anyone at home. I used to cry at work and at home during the nights. My age was 20-21 I guess and everything started looking unfair and unjust.
Should I drop the CA course in between?
I even thought of dropping the course and tried looking for an alternative. But, CA was my choice since the beginning and everything else seemed impossible to pursue.
I could not talk to people I knew, probably because I was embarrassed.
But I did talk to a few strangers. It was more like venting out. And it did help.
(Find at least one person you can discuss your failures with, it’s very important to keep you sane.)
I wrote three more attempts after this.
The first one got me 141.
Yes, I failed. But reaching 141 after 71 was HUGE. It brought my confidence and belief back.
The second one got me an exemption in Adv Accounts.
PASSED CA IPCC GROUP 2 CLEARED
The third one – I passed. With 183 marks.
At this point, I was left with approx 6 months of practical training. I was a whole new person full of hopes and confidence ‘cause at one point it was a dream for me to reach CA Finals. And now I was there. I was able to dream again. I was able to focus again.
But right after I wrote this exam something terrible had happened on a personal level. I witnessed the worst phase ever of my life and I really wish no family ever to go through what my family and I did.
The fear of failing is over now
But then, since I already had seen so many failed attempts of CA, it stopped scaring me. And since I saw what I saw in my life, I started looking at things differently.
Now, I know CA has been the dream. But your dreams should never become a priority over your mental health.
The day you start looking at it that way, you’ll be much more at ease.
We all know how huge is the CA Final.
But I kept a sane mind, I didn’t fear failure anymore. I studied not to pass but to do my karma the best way possible.
It took me two attempts for the first group.
The first attempt gave me an exemption and second attempt I passed with a brilliant score.
I legit took a vacation after that. For two and a half months. I came back and started again with the second group this time. CA prefix was not so far away from me.
I only had 4 months to prepare and considering it was my first attempt for that group, it wasn’t enough. I could not have done as much as a person needs to.
My gut feeling in October 2019 was I’ll be failing. But I chose to stay consistent with the efforts no matter what results in I get.
I had a very cool mind and there’s a history behind that. But that same history helped me get through.
CA FINAL CLEARED
This year in January when results came I had already started preparing for May. But guess what? God didn’t want to test me anymore. 🙂
Just remember one thing you guys, you are going to be tested at every step. It’s YOU who’ll get to make choices. And it’s YOU who can win over situations. All you have to do is stay consistent, sane, and humble.
Also, things work when you expect the least. Even when I qualified I thought it will take me a lot of time to find a decent job.
ICAI CAMPUS PLACEMENT
I registered for campus and got placed.
I joined my company in this pandemic.
Things happen when they are supposed to happen. Keep patience and faith!
And one last thing, I know there are people who clear in first attempts, there are people who are born to CA parents, there are people who are in Big 4s since forever, there are people who get 20 LPA as their first package, doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH.”